The party is finished, the house is quiet and it seems the perfect time to reflect on this past year in my life. 2016 was literally a "game changer" for me. It will forever mark the year that I made one of the most important decisions of my life. A decision that has literally changed my life. On January 25th of 2016, I entered the bariatric surgery program through Kaiser. After a long and very in depth pre operative process I had weight loss surgery, specifically a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, on August 29th, 2016. I have currently lost 117 lbs. Although I am not at my goal weight yet I am well on my way.
I have kept a private blog during my journey and have chosen to share some of the excerpts with you here. This journey would not have been possible without Gods help and the undying support of my husband, family and dear friends. They have been my biggest fan club and support system, buoying me every step of the way!
Here is a bit of my journey, written before I had surgery when I spent many hours soul searching and really getting in touch with my "why's" for choosing to have bariatric surgery.
I have struggled with my weight the majority of my life. From as far back as Elementary School, I can remember always being “bigger” than my group of friends. However, it wasn’t until High School that my real struggle with weight gain began. At the age of 15 I was raped. Not only was my innocence lost, I also lost a sense of who I truly am and have been trying to find her ever since. After this traumatic event in my life, I began to use food as comfort and the extra weight as protection. If I was overweight, I was unnoticed especially by men and that helped me feel somehow safe. As dysfunctional as this behavior is and as much as I recognize it as such, I have spent most of my life from that point to this as it’s victim. It has set up a cycle in my life that has robbed from me, my family, my career and this world!
In many areas of my life, I feel mostly in control and accomplished. I am a multi-tasking working Wife & Mother, balancing my nursing career, parenting & volunteering for school and Church. However, when it comes to overeating and my weight I have allowed myself to become powerless. This has contributed to my health deteriorating with each extra pound. In January of 2015 I had a debilitating back injury that left me unable to work and virtually confined to a recliner chair for a good part of three months. During my recovery I began to pursue a slow and steady walking and physical therapy routine and in spite of my back pain, I felt empowered over my health for the first time in a long time. For a year I tried "conventional" weight loss measures and had little to no success. I then began to pray about speaking to my Dr. about the possibility of pursuing weight loss surgery. As a Nurse, my back is my “livelihood” and at this moment in time my income and benefits are supporting my family. I could not continue to take time off for back and other health issues and felt that my career could be jeopardized if this pattern continued to play out in my life. In my career as a Registered Nurse, I am constantly exposed to the longterm effects of obesity on physical health. I know that if I remain overweight I will eventually develop all the complications and co-morbidities that accompany obesity. I already have hypertension and chronic back pain that has placed me on disability for three months this past year.
One of the pre op exercises I had to do was to create my “Core Values”. One that I chose was “Recreating”. I have avoided any and all kinds of activities that may draw attention to my obesity or challenge me physically. This has cheated both myself and my family members out of enjoying many fun activities. An example of this is riding on roller coasters, visiting water parks, swimming & outdoor activities. I have always enjoyed the water and I especially love the ocean. When I graduated from Nursing school I traveled to Maui. I was much thinner and active at the time and have the fondest memories of taking a surfing lesson. I got up my very first time and still recall the exhilaration I felt from this experience. I have always wanted to paddle board and often fantasize about one day being thin and physically fit enough to mount a paddle board and paddle across a glassy, beautiful body of water. I want this “fantasy” to become a reality in my life. I am so tired of watching from the sidelines of life. My life and my children’s lives are passing by at break neck speeds. I no longer want to spectate through my life! I want to “Recreate” and enjoy each and every day God gives me on this earth to the absolute fullest!
My family and I recently chose to leave our suburban lifestyle and adopt a much more rural way of life. We have a small log home on five beautiful acres in the Sierra Nevada Foothills. For years I have dreamed of planting my own garden, canning and preserving my own food, and living a much more “self-sufficient” lifestyle. In the six months we have lived here I have realized that to live how I long to live requires a physicality that is beyond my abilities at this point. In order to really embrace this lifestyle I have to take charge of my health. The property and area we live in offers countless opportunities for hiking and physical activity. I literally have a forest for a backyard and I want to be able to embrace this sacred space and it’s full benefits for my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellness.
Most of you that know me well, know that I value transparency and vulnerability and try and live my life according to those values. Writing is a way that I practice this in my life. My goal in writing this blog and sharing this very vulnerable area of my life with you is two fold. First I will use this blog as a form of therapy. Writing is my outlet and the cheapest therapy around. Secondly, and absolutely most importantly, this blog will serve to inform you on how you can support me prayerfully through each and every step of the way. I welcome every bit of your love, encouragement and prayer! I believe they will be an integral part of a successful journey.
So now on the first day of 2017 I sit here 117lbs thinner, feeling like God has given me a new lease on life. I am abundantly grateful that He gave me the courage, strength and support to confront my biggest demons and overcome so many areas of my life that have kept me captive for too many years.
This last picture is of Zion and I on our recent trip to Disneyland. I rode EVERY ride I could and it was literally one of the most freeing feelings I have ever experienced in my life! Pure, exhilarating FREEDOM!!! At one point during our day Zion said... "Raise your hand if your proud of Mommy for loosing the weight because she can go on rides with us now!" Yes...I cried and those words will forever be imprinted on my heart making every bit of struggle and sacrifice absolutely worth it!! God is SO good and I am so ready to see what He has in store for this next season of my life. 2017... Bring it!!!
