We have now been searching for a home for the good part of nine months. We have placed a total of four offers on what we thought were our "dream homes", all of which were outbid or rejected. Needless to say it has been an emotional roller coaster. I have wrestled with God more in this last nine months than I think I have my entire life. I have attempted to master "guarding my heart" when I have fallen in love with a particular property and have failed miserably every single time. I have been completely surrendered in one moment and then filled with anxiety and worry the next.
What makes matters worse is that in August of this year Lily will be entering Junior High and Zion will be entering Kindergarten, both significantly important years. In hind site I am so grateful God allowed them to complete there schooling with the friends and teachers they currently have. However, now I feel an urgency that had not previously existed. I also feel as if we are in complete limbo. Do we register Zion for soccer? Do we sign Lily up for Middle School band? What are we thinking? Maybe it's not the best time to move? The questions and doubts plague me! I have officially decided I suck at being in limbo!
Just when I didn't think I could feel worse about my parental choices Lily drops an emotional bomb on me tonight. Up until this point she has let on that she was pretty excited about moving. What she seemed to miss about life in suburbia she replaced with dreams of owning goats or alpacas. Somehow that has worked this far.
However, tonight was different, tonight she shared what has really been going through her mind. She is worried about leaving her friends and especially her Best Friend, Maggie. She is scared to start over and is worried she will face the same rejection she experienced when changing schools in the second grade. All very legitimate and understandable worries. She shared and cried and I comforted and tried to reassure her as best as I could. All the while never letting on that I was worried about the exact same things for her. So much in fact that it has robbed my sleep and plagued my dreams. I put on my best poker face and listened and then offered the only thing I know that has proven itself effective over and over in my life.... and so we prayed.
It was during prayer that God began to speak very clearly to my own fears and worries by reminding me of a time in my own life that required a risk, a move away from friends and loved ones and a stepping out into the unknown. He made very clear to me that the little girl laying there in front of me was evidence that the reward far outweighed the risk involved in that choice. Had I not taken that risk, I may not have the precious family and friends and life that I have now. Wow God, way to shed some perspective on things!
That reminder proved to be just as much for my Lily girl as it was for me. As I shared my story of moving up North and how hard it was to leave my hometown of 27 years and all my precious friends and family, I could literally see the fear and worry lift off of her. "And guess what my Lily girl!", I shared... "If I never took that risk and trusted that God had a plan for me I would never have had the chance to be your Mommy!" As you can imagine tears are streaming down both our faces at this point...tears of pure joy! How amazing is our God! How awesome are His ways! "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul!" Psalm 94:19
You see, I have no idea where or when we will find our "dream home." I have no idea how my children with transition through the change. But if I had any doubts that God is involved in the process and in this choice, tonight fully dispelled them. I am reminded of His Sovereignty in my life and in the life of my family. I am reminded that His plan has been and always will be "To give us hope and a future".
"Who, then is the man that fears the Lord?" He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land" Psalm 25: 12-13
However, tonight was different, tonight she shared what has really been going through her mind. She is worried about leaving her friends and especially her Best Friend, Maggie. She is scared to start over and is worried she will face the same rejection she experienced when changing schools in the second grade. All very legitimate and understandable worries. She shared and cried and I comforted and tried to reassure her as best as I could. All the while never letting on that I was worried about the exact same things for her. So much in fact that it has robbed my sleep and plagued my dreams. I put on my best poker face and listened and then offered the only thing I know that has proven itself effective over and over in my life.... and so we prayed.
It was during prayer that God began to speak very clearly to my own fears and worries by reminding me of a time in my own life that required a risk, a move away from friends and loved ones and a stepping out into the unknown. He made very clear to me that the little girl laying there in front of me was evidence that the reward far outweighed the risk involved in that choice. Had I not taken that risk, I may not have the precious family and friends and life that I have now. Wow God, way to shed some perspective on things!
That reminder proved to be just as much for my Lily girl as it was for me. As I shared my story of moving up North and how hard it was to leave my hometown of 27 years and all my precious friends and family, I could literally see the fear and worry lift off of her. "And guess what my Lily girl!", I shared... "If I never took that risk and trusted that God had a plan for me I would never have had the chance to be your Mommy!" As you can imagine tears are streaming down both our faces at this point...tears of pure joy! How amazing is our God! How awesome are His ways! "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul!" Psalm 94:19
You see, I have no idea where or when we will find our "dream home." I have no idea how my children with transition through the change. But if I had any doubts that God is involved in the process and in this choice, tonight fully dispelled them. I am reminded of His Sovereignty in my life and in the life of my family. I am reminded that His plan has been and always will be "To give us hope and a future".
"Who, then is the man that fears the Lord?" He will instruct him in the way chosen for him. He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land" Psalm 25: 12-13
Sweet!
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